A Shout-Out to Moms ♥

A miracle is really the only way to describe motherhood and giving birth. It's unbelievable how God has made us women and babies to endure and be able to do so much. A miracle, indeed. Such an incredible blessing. ~Jennie Finch

For this post, I decided to interview some of my friends and roommates and ask them what they admire about their mothers, as well as what their mothers have taught them. These are some of their responses!

Carly-I admire my mother because she works hard and is willing to serve anyone and everyone. She taught me skills that I can use in my future home, such as cooking, sewing, and cleaning. Basically everything I know, I have learned from my mother.

 Erin-I definitely admire my mom for her hard work. She is constantly go go go and is the most selfless person I've ever met. And she's taught me to love myself and never forget who I truly am.

Taylor-Well one, my mom is super smart. She has her masters and has always worked hard. I admire her for going and getting a degree even though she had kids. And she taught me to work hard, because nothing comes without a solid effort. 

Marleis-I love that my mother was always there to support me. When I was in sports, she was there cheering me on. She was always there for me in band. My mother has taught me to be a good supporter of my friends and family. She has also taught me to always be kind and generous. 

Cheralyn-My mom has always been smart, strong and outgoing. I really admire those qualities about her. Also she has always put her family first and been fiercely loyal to us. She taught me that being a mother isn't about raising your kids only until they're adults and move away, she is still always there for me to help and guide me with anything. I learned from her example that no matter what, you never give up on your kids. 

Now I want to talk about my mom. Since I was little, she always focused on teaching me. Thanks to her (and my sister), I learned to read at an early age. I remember her always reading books with me. That is one of my favorite memories with my mom growing up. She has taught me how to love unconditionally. I admire the fact that she always has put her family's needs before her own. She is the definition of selfless. My mom also works so hard. She has a full-time job, and still manages to get meals on the table, fulfill her church calling, and help manage the household. To me, she is a superhero!

Finally, I found this amazing video called, "Motherhood: An Eternal Partnership with God." In it, Elder Jeffrey R. Holland shares an encouraging tribute to mothers.

First Comes Love, Then Comes Marriage, What Next?

President Hinckley has said, "If you are married, you and your spouse should discuss your sacred responsibility to bring children into the world and nurture them in righteousness.

For those married couples who are physically able, it is a spiritual obligation as well as a joy with subsequent blessings to bear and rear children.

I found this awesome video on LDS.org that I really thought fit perfectly with this post.

A family that used to live in my ward, but who moved away several years ago, have always been, to me, an example of including the Lord in the decision of having children. The mother of this family was great enough to share some of her experiences with me, and to allow me to share them on this blog.

Growing up I always wanted a big family.  I planned on 12 kids after I read "Cheaper by the Dozen".  All the guys I dated I asked how many kids they wanted which would help me decide if they would get a 2nd date.  My husband had a great answer (which is one of the reasons I married him!).... he said he would have as many kids as the Lord saw fit to send to His family.  We decided from the beginning that we would trust in the Lord's plan for us and just have faith.  After a 12 hour labor with my first baby my husband gently asked if I still wanted a dozen kids.  I surprised him when I answered that I was ready for another one!  Our 2nd baby was born 15 months later.  With 2 little ones I was a bit overwhelmed and prayed that I wouldn't get pregnant until I felt ready (I didn't trust very much in birth control).  Each baby that joined our family came right when they were supposed to.  We happily welcomed each new child, and always felt that the Lord was guiding us in our decisions.  

I teach piano and violin lessons, and many of my students are not members of my faith.  One girl once told me that her mom thought we had so many children because it would buy us into heaven.  I thought it was really funny.  It was a good chance to talk to her a little bit about my religion.  My husband had a secretary years ago with 8 children.  After their 8th baby they really struggled with knowing when to stop having more children.  They decided to drive to Salt Lake and talk to a General Authority about their dilemma.  They had to sit for several hours in a waiting room before they had a chance to talk to one of the General Authorities (wish I could remember who it was they talked to).  They told him of their struggle and wondered if he could help them decide what to do.  He turned a picture of his family around that had only 2 children.  He told them that decision was only between the 2 of them and the Lord.  No-one else could give them that answer.  

For most of our marriage I had felt like we would have 10 kids.  I don't know how to explain it, but it was almost like I felt those 10 kids with me even before they all came to our family.  After our 9th baby my body was so worn out.  I was tired.  My oldest daughter was starting her senior year.  It felt like the right time to say that we were done.  But even using 3 forms of birth control I ended up getting pregnant.  It was the only surprise we had, and I wasn't very happy about it.  The thought of being pregnant was unbearable!  I thought my kids would be embarrassed and mad about it.  My husband and I gathered our kids around and told them we were having another baby.  Our son (age 15 at the time) was the first to respond, and he yelped an enthusiastic "Yes!".  Everyone was so happy that we couldn't help but feel so blessed and excited about the new baby coming.  

When we had our ultrasound the way the technician reacted let us know something was wrong.  We were told our baby had one arm and some severe heart defects as well as some cysts on the brain that led them to believe was a trisomy defect.  We were devastated only because we were so afraid that we were now attached to this little boy and there was a huge chance he wouldn't survive long past childbirth.  I received many blessings and put my trust in the Lord.  We felt that everything would be fine somehow.  Miraculously our baby was born perfectly healthy!  The issues in his heart and brain were somehow repaired, and it seems the technician had just not seen the other arm.  We felt so blessed, but we knew that we would have loved him just as much if there had been problems too.  We were reminded that the Lord was aware of us and that He was in charge.  We had plans, but the Lord had a better plan for us!  

We have very rarely had anyone say negative things about our large family.  People are often very curious and ask a lot of questions, but we get a lot of positive responses about our family.  My kids actually think it's really fun when we all go places to watch people count all the kids and stare at us.  They have never been embarrassed about it, and in fact they love having so many best friends.  There's always someone to play with, and always something fun going on!  

This amazing family!

Equality through Diversity

The definition of equality is, "the state of being equal, especially in status, rights, and opportunities." 

The Family: A Proclamation to the World states,

"By divine design, fathers are to preside over their families in love and righteousness and are responsible to provide the necessities of life and protection for their families. Mothers are primarily responsible for the nurture of their children. In these sacred responsibilities, fathers and mothers are obligated to help one another as equal partners."

My favorite talk on this topic, entitled "Equality through Diversity" was given by M. Russell Ballard in October 1993. I've included the link and the video clip of the talk here, and I encourage anyone reading this post to go read and watch the talk. It is incredible.

Elder Ballard is speaking to the women of the church. He says, "I pray for the Spirit of the Lord this evening as I teach a fundamental principle of the gospel that, if understood, will fortify and bless you sisters in your quest for eternal life."

Now, I'd like to share a few of my favorite quotes from the talk.

"Our Father in Heaven loves all of His children equally, perfectly, and infinitely. His love is no different for His daughters than for His sons. Our Savior, the Lord Jesus Christ, also loves men and women equally. His atonement and His gospel are for all of God’s children. During His earthly ministry Jesus served men and women alike: He healed both men and women and He taught both men and women."

"Even though men and women are equal before God in their eternal opportunities, they have different, but equally significant, duties in His eternal plan. We must understand that God views all of His children with infinite wisdom and perfect fairness. Consequently, He can acknowledge and even encourage our differences while providing equal opportunity for growth and development."

"Our Heavenly Father assigned different responsibilities in mortality to men and women when we lived with Him as His spirit sons and daughters. To His sons He would give the priesthood and the responsibilities of fatherhood, and to His daughters He gave the responsibilities of motherhood, each with its attendant functions. "

In today's society, organizations like Ordain Women, believe that women should be allowed to hold the priesthood. They believe that it is unfair and unequal that only men can have the priesthood. As Elder Ballard explained so long ago, Heavenly Father does not favor one gender over the other. Both men and women were given specific duties and responsibilities in regards to their roles in the family. It is by divine design that Heavenly Father gave us these roles: for men to have the priesthood and for women to raise and nurture children. 

Gordon B. Hinckley said, 

"Women do not hold the priesthood because the Lord has put it that way. It is part of His program. Women have a very prominent place in this Church. Men hold the priesthood offices of the Church. But women have a tremendous place in this Church. They have their own organization. It was started in 1842 by the Prophet Joseph Smith, called the Relief Society, because its initial purpose was to administer help to those in need. It has grown to be, I think, the largest women’s organization in the world... They have their own offices, their own presidency, their own board. That reaches down to the smallest unit of the Church everywhere in the world...The men hold the priesthood, yes. But my wife is my companion. In this Church the man neither walks ahead of his wife nor behind his wife but at her side. They are co-equals in this life in a great enterprise.”

Mawwiage. (AKA, Put a Ring On It!) ♥

Mawwiage is what bwings us togethew today. Mawwiage, that bwessed awwangement, that dweam within a dweam. And wove, twue wove, wiww fowwow you fowevah and evah… So tweasuwe youw wove.

That was just a funny introduction to today's blog topic: MARRIAGE! Since I am currently a student at the university lovingly referred to as "BYU-I Do" I thought this would be a good thing to talk about!

My textbook, Successful Marriages and Families: Proclamation Principles and Research Perspectives says, 

"Marriage is a purposeful, divinely created relationship, not merely a social custom, and that couples have God-given covenant obligations to one another."

As an assignment for my class on the family, I had to interview two couples who seem to have a healthy and vibrant marriage. I had to ask them a few questions, and I would like to share some of their insightful responses with you.

Question #1-What have you done to be so effective in your marriage?

• Couple #1-Open communication, done with charity. Listening for understanding. Having similar spiritual, financial, family, and professional goals. Being equal partners in the marriage and in raising the children

• Couple #2-Marital bliss does not just happen. It is intentional, on both ends. It is impossible for one partner to pull all the weight. Making sure to choose a good companion is pretty vital and making sure to be a good companion yourself is so important. We try to make sure that we are being considerate of each other while making sure that we are doing the things to care for ourselves. I think it is easy to get so wrapped up in the care of others that we forget to make sure that we are personally doing well.

Question #2-How have each of you grown and changed as a result of your marriage?

• Couple #1-A covenant marriage has been very successful in helping us cast aside, more often than not, our own personal desires and wants in order to improve the quality of our marriage and our family. Also, we’ve both been able to learn from each other’s good qualities and see them firsthand in order to better implement into our discipleship.

• Couple #2-Marriage actually really helped me to be more financially conservative as well. When I was single I only answered to myself. I was not as careful with my spending. Once we got married, each dollar was shared and I felt a great responsibility to be frugal. We have also learned to really put what matters first as first.

Question #3-What do you feel are the MOST IMPORTANT things people should know about marriage before they decided to get married?

• Couple #1-This is an eternal commitment and problems faced need to be viewed from that perspective. Prayerful consideration and eternal perspective are absolutely essential in solving all the problems that will be faced in your marriage.

• Couple #1 (cont.)-Most youth create a list of qualities they want in their future spouse. Another, just as important list, is the things that you absolutely do not want in your future spouse. This way, falling in love won’t cause you to settle for something less than you want and deserve. Also, remember that you are not looking for perfection…you are looking for someone with whom you can walk towards perfection hand-in-hand with the Savior.

• Couple #2-Don't settle. I call it the project syndrome. It's when you look at someone with "potential" and you try to perfect them. A real spouse has already prepared themselves. They are not nearly perfect, but they are truly trying. I would also say that they need to become who they want to marry.I think people shouldn't have an unrealistic idea of marriage....including financially, emotionally, and in intimacy.They need to really understand it and work through the small problems,

• Couple #2 (cont.)-I think it is important to talk and make sure that you are both on the same page on things of importance before marriage: Do you want children? Will someone stay home with them? Do you intend to honor your covenants? That kind of stuff. It sounds kind of obvious, but I have seen spouses that have been surprised after marriage and it is not a good thing.

I am so grateful for the responses I got from these two couples. I learned a lot from them and they are all role models for me!

Finally, I would like to end this post with a quote from Elder F. Burton Howard. He said,

"If you want something to last forever, you treat it differently. You shield it and protect it. You never abuse it. You don't expose it to the elements. You don't make it common or ordinary. If it ever becomes tarnished, you lovingly polish it until it gleams like new. It becomes special because you have made it so, and it grows more beautiful and precious as time goes by. Eternal marriage is just like that. We need to treat it just that way."

The Phases of Dating...How Does it Go?

The topic I decided to discuss this week were the phases of dating. My textbook calls them the "ABCs of Dating," however, I found a graphic in a New Era that I felt mapped it out a lot easier. You might think this is silly, but hey, every relationship has to start somewhere!

As you can see, the first phase is "Acquaintance." This stage, in the article titled "Unsteady Dating," is described as having known or met the person before. Everyone knows who their acquaintances are, heck, it might even be awkward talking to them. I know it is for me. My acquaintances, personally, are those people in my classes here at college. I know them, and we exchange greetings, and maybe even a bit of light conversation, but that is as far as it goes. 

The next phase is "Friendship," or someone you have things in common with and choose to do things with. It's good for people to have friends, those that they can relate to and have fun hanging out with. There are so many benefits to friendship: they can last a lifetime, you can determine true compatibility, and finally, friendship is a foundation. When people are mature enough to engage in romance and decide to fall in love, they are more likely to succeed if they first were friends, having built a foundation of trust.

The next phase is "Casual Dating." What is this, you might ask? The article says, "Casual dating has the same basic characteristics as friendship. It is casual, no-pressure fun. If you’re dating casually, you don’t expect a relationship to become a romance. You have fun; you do a variety of things with a variety of people." This reminds me of dating in high school. You go on dates with different guys. When you're casually dating, I was once told by a Young Women's leader, you are looking for qualities in a person that you want to have in a future spouse. 

The next phase in dating is "Serious or Steady Dating." This is defined as you being in a position to marry and are committed to dating the other person exclusively. Prophets and apostles have consistently warned about the dangers of steady dating in your teenage years. One of my favorite sections from the article says:

"The problem is, a lot of teenagers jump the gun. They think these friendship-type relationships are only for younger kids, and they plunge into romantic relationships more appropriate for young adults (people in their 20s), who are in a position to think about marriage.

These romantic relationships have two components: physical and emotional. Generally speaking, boys crave the physical part more than girls do, and girls crave the emotional part more than boys do. Because boys have less of a desire for emotional closeness, they are usually in control of how deep this aspect of the relationship will become. Likewise, because girls are less driven by a desire for a physical relationship, they are generally in control of how far that aspect of the relationship will go. Marriage is where these two components come together in more perfect harmony."

The next phase of dating is "Engagement." Everyone knows that a couple getting engaged means that they are planning to be married. 

In an LDS lesson manual for Preparing For An Eternal Marriage, it says, "Engagement gives the couple time to focus exclusively on each other, feel the peace of knowing that the Spirit has inspired their decision, and make practical arrangements."

The final phase in dating is "Marriage." President Gordon B. Hinckley has counseled, "Marry the right person in the right place at the right time." 

Having spiritual confirmation of your decision to get engaged and married to a person is so crucial. It is so important to use our own best efforts to make such a huge decision, as well as to ask the Lord for guidance. 
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Now, as always, I can't tell anyone what to do. But I can share what I think, and that is the whole purpose of this blog: to inspire, to uplift, to inform, and to educate.

The Evolution of Dating...

So, for my class at BYU-Idaho on The Family, I have to do a project that will last the entire semester. I have chosen to write a blog that focuses on Marriage and The Family.

Well, inevitably, before you get married, you have to date. There's several reasons as to why dating has gone into a downward spiral in today's society. The one I would like to focus on for this specific post is "Dating vs. Hanging Out."

When did dating evolve from courting in the 1950's to what it has become now in the 21st century?

Tom McGinnis, in a book titled "A Girl's Guide to Dating and Going Steady." written in 1968 described courting:

During the 1950's, it was common knowledge, at least to girls, that there was a process to the whole courtship ritual -- that there were stages to a lasting relationship. First, when you are young, you associate with boys in the playground, and do not seriously form any romantic relationships with them. Then you progress to flirting and talking to them which leads into dating. The dating process usually is initiated by going out on double-dates. Double-dates were used to initiate the whole dating process because it created a more open environment conducive to easy conversation. So the initial shyness of young couples can be eased away by the presence of other company, especially if the double date was a "set-up" or a blind date for one couple. After double dating, you would naturally move onto single dating. And should the relationship move on, as they often do, it would move into the ubiquitous "going steady" stage (McGinnis 74).

Oh how far we have come from this notion. Now, it is easy to see the appeal of "hanging out" over dating.There is a lesser amount of awkwardness, usually, when hanging out with someone, as opposed to putting the menacing label of a "date" on the evening in question. Hanging out usually includes a smaller price to pay, for the guy anyway.

 In traditional dating, a man asks a woman on a date and pays for the evening. Typical hanging out usually involves a group of people, and I'm not saying this is a bad thing. Hanging out can help ease a shy person into dating. However, if people  My textbook says, "Young adults often report finding that even when they have been hanging out with someone over a period of time, they still do not know it they are a couple." 

Elder Dallin H. Oaks said in a talk about dating vs. hanging out, "Simple and more frequent dates allow both men and women to “shop around” in a way that allows extensive evaluation of the prospects. The old-fashioned date was a wonderful way to get acquainted with a member of the opposite sex. It encouraged conversation. It allowed you to see how you treat others and how you are treated in a one-on-one situation. It gave opportunities to learn how to initiate and sustain a mature relationship. None of that happens in hanging out."

In dating, we look for qualities we want to have in an eternal companion. We should date those who have similar standards to ours. For the Strength of Youth says, "Choose to date only those who have high moral standards and in whose company you can maintain your standards. Remember that a young man and a young woman on a date are responsible to protect each other’s honor and virtue." This is truth. Dating with a purpose will be so much more beneficial, in the end, than continual hang-outs with members of the opposite gender. 

Now, I can't tell anyone what to do. But I can share what I think, and that is the whole purpose of this blog: to inspire, to uplift, to inform, and to educate.