The Phases of Dating...How Does it Go?

The topic I decided to discuss this week were the phases of dating. My textbook calls them the "ABCs of Dating," however, I found a graphic in a New Era that I felt mapped it out a lot easier. You might think this is silly, but hey, every relationship has to start somewhere!

As you can see, the first phase is "Acquaintance." This stage, in the article titled "Unsteady Dating," is described as having known or met the person before. Everyone knows who their acquaintances are, heck, it might even be awkward talking to them. I know it is for me. My acquaintances, personally, are those people in my classes here at college. I know them, and we exchange greetings, and maybe even a bit of light conversation, but that is as far as it goes. 

The next phase is "Friendship," or someone you have things in common with and choose to do things with. It's good for people to have friends, those that they can relate to and have fun hanging out with. There are so many benefits to friendship: they can last a lifetime, you can determine true compatibility, and finally, friendship is a foundation. When people are mature enough to engage in romance and decide to fall in love, they are more likely to succeed if they first were friends, having built a foundation of trust.

The next phase is "Casual Dating." What is this, you might ask? The article says, "Casual dating has the same basic characteristics as friendship. It is casual, no-pressure fun. If you’re dating casually, you don’t expect a relationship to become a romance. You have fun; you do a variety of things with a variety of people." This reminds me of dating in high school. You go on dates with different guys. When you're casually dating, I was once told by a Young Women's leader, you are looking for qualities in a person that you want to have in a future spouse. 

The next phase in dating is "Serious or Steady Dating." This is defined as you being in a position to marry and are committed to dating the other person exclusively. Prophets and apostles have consistently warned about the dangers of steady dating in your teenage years. One of my favorite sections from the article says:

"The problem is, a lot of teenagers jump the gun. They think these friendship-type relationships are only for younger kids, and they plunge into romantic relationships more appropriate for young adults (people in their 20s), who are in a position to think about marriage.

These romantic relationships have two components: physical and emotional. Generally speaking, boys crave the physical part more than girls do, and girls crave the emotional part more than boys do. Because boys have less of a desire for emotional closeness, they are usually in control of how deep this aspect of the relationship will become. Likewise, because girls are less driven by a desire for a physical relationship, they are generally in control of how far that aspect of the relationship will go. Marriage is where these two components come together in more perfect harmony."

The next phase of dating is "Engagement." Everyone knows that a couple getting engaged means that they are planning to be married. 

In an LDS lesson manual for Preparing For An Eternal Marriage, it says, "Engagement gives the couple time to focus exclusively on each other, feel the peace of knowing that the Spirit has inspired their decision, and make practical arrangements."

The final phase in dating is "Marriage." President Gordon B. Hinckley has counseled, "Marry the right person in the right place at the right time." 

Having spiritual confirmation of your decision to get engaged and married to a person is so crucial. It is so important to use our own best efforts to make such a huge decision, as well as to ask the Lord for guidance. 
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Now, as always, I can't tell anyone what to do. But I can share what I think, and that is the whole purpose of this blog: to inspire, to uplift, to inform, and to educate.

The Evolution of Dating...

So, for my class at BYU-Idaho on The Family, I have to do a project that will last the entire semester. I have chosen to write a blog that focuses on Marriage and The Family.

Well, inevitably, before you get married, you have to date. There's several reasons as to why dating has gone into a downward spiral in today's society. The one I would like to focus on for this specific post is "Dating vs. Hanging Out."

When did dating evolve from courting in the 1950's to what it has become now in the 21st century?

Tom McGinnis, in a book titled "A Girl's Guide to Dating and Going Steady." written in 1968 described courting:

During the 1950's, it was common knowledge, at least to girls, that there was a process to the whole courtship ritual -- that there were stages to a lasting relationship. First, when you are young, you associate with boys in the playground, and do not seriously form any romantic relationships with them. Then you progress to flirting and talking to them which leads into dating. The dating process usually is initiated by going out on double-dates. Double-dates were used to initiate the whole dating process because it created a more open environment conducive to easy conversation. So the initial shyness of young couples can be eased away by the presence of other company, especially if the double date was a "set-up" or a blind date for one couple. After double dating, you would naturally move onto single dating. And should the relationship move on, as they often do, it would move into the ubiquitous "going steady" stage (McGinnis 74).

Oh how far we have come from this notion. Now, it is easy to see the appeal of "hanging out" over dating.There is a lesser amount of awkwardness, usually, when hanging out with someone, as opposed to putting the menacing label of a "date" on the evening in question. Hanging out usually includes a smaller price to pay, for the guy anyway.

 In traditional dating, a man asks a woman on a date and pays for the evening. Typical hanging out usually involves a group of people, and I'm not saying this is a bad thing. Hanging out can help ease a shy person into dating. However, if people  My textbook says, "Young adults often report finding that even when they have been hanging out with someone over a period of time, they still do not know it they are a couple." 

Elder Dallin H. Oaks said in a talk about dating vs. hanging out, "Simple and more frequent dates allow both men and women to “shop around” in a way that allows extensive evaluation of the prospects. The old-fashioned date was a wonderful way to get acquainted with a member of the opposite sex. It encouraged conversation. It allowed you to see how you treat others and how you are treated in a one-on-one situation. It gave opportunities to learn how to initiate and sustain a mature relationship. None of that happens in hanging out."

In dating, we look for qualities we want to have in an eternal companion. We should date those who have similar standards to ours. For the Strength of Youth says, "Choose to date only those who have high moral standards and in whose company you can maintain your standards. Remember that a young man and a young woman on a date are responsible to protect each other’s honor and virtue." This is truth. Dating with a purpose will be so much more beneficial, in the end, than continual hang-outs with members of the opposite gender. 

Now, I can't tell anyone what to do. But I can share what I think, and that is the whole purpose of this blog: to inspire, to uplift, to inform, and to educate.