The Phases of Dating...How Does it Go?

The topic I decided to discuss this week were the phases of dating. My textbook calls them the "ABCs of Dating," however, I found a graphic in a New Era that I felt mapped it out a lot easier. You might think this is silly, but hey, every relationship has to start somewhere!

As you can see, the first phase is "Acquaintance." This stage, in the article titled "Unsteady Dating," is described as having known or met the person before. Everyone knows who their acquaintances are, heck, it might even be awkward talking to them. I know it is for me. My acquaintances, personally, are those people in my classes here at college. I know them, and we exchange greetings, and maybe even a bit of light conversation, but that is as far as it goes. 

The next phase is "Friendship," or someone you have things in common with and choose to do things with. It's good for people to have friends, those that they can relate to and have fun hanging out with. There are so many benefits to friendship: they can last a lifetime, you can determine true compatibility, and finally, friendship is a foundation. When people are mature enough to engage in romance and decide to fall in love, they are more likely to succeed if they first were friends, having built a foundation of trust.

The next phase is "Casual Dating." What is this, you might ask? The article says, "Casual dating has the same basic characteristics as friendship. It is casual, no-pressure fun. If you’re dating casually, you don’t expect a relationship to become a romance. You have fun; you do a variety of things with a variety of people." This reminds me of dating in high school. You go on dates with different guys. When you're casually dating, I was once told by a Young Women's leader, you are looking for qualities in a person that you want to have in a future spouse. 

The next phase in dating is "Serious or Steady Dating." This is defined as you being in a position to marry and are committed to dating the other person exclusively. Prophets and apostles have consistently warned about the dangers of steady dating in your teenage years. One of my favorite sections from the article says:

"The problem is, a lot of teenagers jump the gun. They think these friendship-type relationships are only for younger kids, and they plunge into romantic relationships more appropriate for young adults (people in their 20s), who are in a position to think about marriage.

These romantic relationships have two components: physical and emotional. Generally speaking, boys crave the physical part more than girls do, and girls crave the emotional part more than boys do. Because boys have less of a desire for emotional closeness, they are usually in control of how deep this aspect of the relationship will become. Likewise, because girls are less driven by a desire for a physical relationship, they are generally in control of how far that aspect of the relationship will go. Marriage is where these two components come together in more perfect harmony."

The next phase of dating is "Engagement." Everyone knows that a couple getting engaged means that they are planning to be married. 

In an LDS lesson manual for Preparing For An Eternal Marriage, it says, "Engagement gives the couple time to focus exclusively on each other, feel the peace of knowing that the Spirit has inspired their decision, and make practical arrangements."

The final phase in dating is "Marriage." President Gordon B. Hinckley has counseled, "Marry the right person in the right place at the right time." 

Having spiritual confirmation of your decision to get engaged and married to a person is so crucial. It is so important to use our own best efforts to make such a huge decision, as well as to ask the Lord for guidance. 
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Now, as always, I can't tell anyone what to do. But I can share what I think, and that is the whole purpose of this blog: to inspire, to uplift, to inform, and to educate.

All About Missionaries!

Friends have asked me before what exactly missionaries from our church do. I could never seem to put it into the right words, until I read a post from a friend on Facebook, explaining perfectly the answer to that question. With her permission, here is that answer:

About those Mormon Missionaries...

1. These wonderful young people take 18 months (girls) or 2 years (boys) out of their lives to provide service to others. They put off college, careers, sports, scholarships, relationships, and more to serve and bring others a message of God's love for them.

2. This service is not free. These missionaries and their families work and save to pay their own way. A mission costs about $400 per month plus other expenses. They (and their families!) end up feeling the experience is priceless.

Once, when I was talking to a friend about how I had bragged about seeing a new superhero movie to the missionary I'm writing, they questioned, "Wait, missionaries from your church can't go see movies?" And the answer is: NOPE! (Even if they could, I don't think they would have the time!)

3. Missionaries give up television, video games, popular music, movies, most recreational activities, casual clothes, independence and privacy (They are with their companion 24 hours a day!), social media, texting, calling, and seeing friends and family when they want, and other things that most of us take for granted. Some give up daily showers, comfortable beds, driving, 3 meals a day, and even clean clothes. Could you make that sacrifice for the Lord?

4. Missionaries for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints get up at 6:30 every morning and go to bed at 10:30 every night, only are allowed two telephone calls home a year to family (Christmas and Mother's Day), have one day a week where they can write letters/emails to family and friends (Preparation Day or "P-Day), and do not date or spend any alone time with members of the opposite sex. 

5. They don't get to choose where they will go, what language they will speak, or who their companion will be! They could go to Siberia or Salt Lake City, could learn a language that they have never even heard of (in as few as 6 weeks!), and could be partnered with someone they do not necessarily get along with. Missionaries are often immersed in a brand new culture, stretched to their limits like never before! Hopefully they like the food too, no matter how exotic, because after a long day's work, they'll be hungry, that's for sure :)

6. Missionaries face rejection on a daily basis. Doors are slammed in their faces and many people are unkind. Mormon missionaries can be spit upon, yelled at, and ridiculed in public. Yet, they still look forward to going out again the next day!